“My love language is when people’s words match their actions.” – unknown
There’s a cheeky edge and a deeper wisdom here. When people’s words match their actions, we trust them. When we trust them, we feel safe to relax in their presence. When we are relaxed, our heart-mind can be open and we naturally feel loving, curious, content.
So what if we turn this towards our self?
Shift it to read: my ‘self-love’ language is when my words and intentions match my actions.
When our intentions align with our words and actions, we feel safe within ourselves, and can relax and be present, loving, curious.
This is integrity.
The practice of the ten perfections, which we are following as a theme for our 100 Days, is a path to increasing integrity and wholeness.
In particular, the perfection of truthfulness (sacca parami), which we are looking at from Day 21-30, is central to developing the kind of trust that supports a natural love and ease.
How do we practice truthfulness?
1. We become increasingly honest about what we are actually thinking, feeling and believing (as opposed to our idealized or internalized version of what we ‘should’ think, feel and believe).
2. We notice how our speech and actions are a direct result of what we’re thinking, feeling and believing. This is understanding cause and effect (karma).
3. We practice attending to difficult feelings, paying close attention to where we are confused, addicted or angry. We train ourselves to be with strong feeling without acting or reacting, making room to see karma clearly.
4. As we see more clearly, we resolve to — or even begin naturally to — abandon attitudes that lead to our own (and others’) suffering.
Over time, with practice, these moments of internal honesty develop a truthfulness that supports care and kindness and becomes integrity.
Image credit @peacefulmindpeacefullife
